Most sex positions guides are a list of names with a drawing next to each one. Fun for about four minutes. Then you try one, a knee cramps, someone's elbow is on someone's hair, and you go back to whatever you were doing before.
This guide sorts 20 sex positions by what you actually want from them: more clitoral contact, control over depth, less effort on a tired weeknight, or less noise in a home with thin walls. It also covers the four small moves that, according to a survey of more than 3,000 women, change how penetration feels more than the position does.
In this guide:
- The short answer
- The four moves that matter more than the position
- All 20 positions compared
- Positions for clitoral contact
- Positions where the receiver controls depth
- Deeper positions, and how to do them without pain
- Low-effort positions
- Quiet positions for shared homes
- Positions that are not about penetration
- Where a toy fits in each position
- Common mistakes
- Frequently asked questions
The short answer
The best sex position is the one that gives the receiving partner clitoral contact or control over depth, ideally both. For most couples that means on-top positions (cowgirl, leaning forward), the coital alignment technique, or spooning with a free hand. Only about 18% of women say penetration alone is enough to orgasm, so pick positions that leave room for hands or a toy.
That 18% figure comes from a 2018 study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, which surveyed a nationally representative sample of more than 1,000 American women aged 18 to 94. Another 37% said clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and 36% said it was not strictly necessary but made orgasm better. Put plainly: for roughly three in four women, the position matters mainly for whether it lets the clitoris join in.
If you have not read it yet, our guide to clitoris anatomy and stimulation explains why. The short version is that the visible glans is the tip of a much larger structure, and most of it sits outside the vaginal canal.
The four moves that matter more than the position
In 2021, researchers led by Devon Hensel published a study in the journal PLOS ONE asking 3,017 American women aged 18 to 93 what they personally do to make penetration feel better. Four techniques came up again and again. They work in almost every position on this list, which is why they come first.
| Move | What it means | Women who use it | Positions where it is easiest |
|---|---|---|---|
| Angling | Raising, lowering or rotating the hips during penetration to change where things rub | 87.5% | Missionary with a pillow, cowgirl, edge of the bed |
| Shallowing | Staying just inside the entrance, not deep, with a fingertip, tongue, toy or the tip of a penis | 83.8% | Spooning, side-lying, cowgirl |
| Rocking | Staying fully inside and grinding so the base keeps rubbing the clitoris, instead of thrusting in and out | 76.4% | Coital alignment technique, cowgirl leaning forward, seated lap |
| Pairing | Touching the clitoris with a finger or toy during penetration, done by either partner | 69.7% | Spooning, doggy, reverse cowgirl, missionary with a vibrating ring |
Two details in that study are worth knowing. The entrance of the vagina has more nerve endings than the deeper canal, so shallowing is not a lesser version of sex. Among women who used it, 40% said it made pleasure better and 25% said it made orgasm stronger. And pairing was done by partners (49%) more often than by women themselves (40%), which tells you it is a normal thing to reach for, not an admission that something is missing.
One honest caveat: the study was funded by a company that sells sexual education content, and the lead author consults for it. The paper discloses this. The numbers are self-reported, from US women, so treat them as a strong pattern rather than a law of nature.
All 20 positions compared
Here is every position in this guide on one table. "Receiver" means the partner being penetrated, in any pairing.
| # | Position | Who controls depth | Depth | Clitoral access | Effort | Quiet? | Hand free for a toy |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Missionary | Top partner | Medium | Low | Medium | Medium | Hard |
| 2 | Missionary, pillow under hips | Top partner | Medium to deep | Low to medium | Medium | Medium | Hard |
| 3 | Coital alignment technique | Shared | Shallow | High | Low | High | Not needed |
| 4 | Legs on shoulders | Top partner | Deep | Low | Medium | Low | Receiver, yes |
| 5 | Cowgirl, upright | Receiver | Medium to deep | Medium | High for receiver | Medium | Bottom partner, yes |
| 6 | Cowgirl, leaning forward | Receiver | Shallow to medium | High | Medium | High | Not needed |
| 7 | Reverse cowgirl | Receiver | Medium | Medium | High for receiver | Medium | Receiver, yes |
| 8 | Spooning | Shared | Shallow | High with a hand | Low | High | Both, yes |
| 9 | Face-to-face side-lying | Shared | Shallow | Medium | Low | High | One hand each |
| 10 | Doggy style | Top partner | Deep | Medium with a hand | Medium | Low | Either, yes |
| 11 | Flat doggy (lying face down) | Top partner | Medium | High if grinding on a pillow or toy | Low for receiver | Medium | Toy under the receiver |
| 12 | Pillow mountain (kneeling over pillows) | Top partner | Medium to deep | Medium | Low for receiver | Medium | Receiver, yes |
| 13 | Edge of the bed | Standing partner | Deep | Medium | Low for receiver | Medium | Both, yes |
| 14 | Seated lap (chair or bed) | Receiver | Medium | High | Medium | High | Hard |
| 15 | Standing, with a step | Shared | Shallow | Medium | High | Medium | Hard |
| 16 | Scissors (legs interlaced, side) | Shared | Shallow | Medium | Low | High | Yes |
| 17 | Scissoring / tribbing (two vulvas) | Shared | None | High | Medium | Medium | Yes |
| 18 | 69 | Shared | None | High | Medium | High | Hard |
| 19 | Face-sitting (receiver on top) | Receiver | None | High | Medium | High | Yes |
| 20 | Side-by-side mutual touch | Shared | None | High | Low | High | Yes |
Read that table for patterns rather than winners. The positions that score high on clitoral access almost all score low on depth. That is not a coincidence. The clitoris sits outside and above the vaginal opening, so the closer the pelvises press together, the more contact it gets and the less room there is for deep strokes.
Positions for clitoral contact
If orgasm for the receiving partner is the goal, start here. These positions trade deep thrusting for grinding, which is the trade most people want once they try it.
3. Coital alignment technique (CAT)
Start in missionary. The top partner slides their body up by about 5 to 10 cm, so their pelvis sits higher than usual and the base of the penis presses against the clitoris instead of pointing straight in. Then, instead of thrusting, both partners rock: one pushes forward, the other pushes back, in a slow rhythm. Nobody pushes off with their arms.
It was described by the American psychotherapist Edward Eichel in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in 1988. It looks like very little is happening. That is the point. If you are used to fast thrusting, it will feel too slow for the first minute and then, for a lot of couples, noticeably better.
What goes wrong: the top partner drifts back down into normal missionary within a minute. Have the receiver hold their hips in place, or put a hand on their lower back as a reminder.
6. Cowgirl, leaning forward
The receiving partner sits astride, then leans forward until their chest is close to the other person's, hands on the bed or on their partner's shoulders. From here, grind forwards and backwards rather than bouncing up and down. This is rocking, from the table above, with the receiver fully in charge of pressure and pace.
It is the position we would suggest first to almost any couple who wants more orgasms from penetration. The receiver controls every variable, the angle naturally puts pressure where it is wanted, and it is far less tiring than upright cowgirl.
2. Missionary with a pillow under the hips
One firm pillow (not a soft one that collapses) under the receiver's lower back tilts the pelvis upward. That changes the angle of entry toward the front wall of the vagina and brings the pubic bones closer. It is angling, made easy. Try it with the receiver's knees bent and feet flat first, then with legs wrapped around their partner.
14. Seated lap
One partner sits on the edge of the bed or on a sturdy armless chair. The other sits on their lap, facing them, feet on the floor or knees on the chair. Movement is small and grinding. Faces are close, which makes this a good position for people who like kissing during sex and a bad one for people who do not.
Positions where the receiver controls depth
These matter most for first-time sex, for anyone who has felt pain with deep penetration, and for couples where one partner is much larger than the other. Control is not a nice extra here. It is what makes the difference between sex that feels good and sex that someone is quietly enduring.
5. Cowgirl, upright
The receiving partner sits astride, upright, and lowers themselves at their own pace. They decide how far, how fast and when to stop. Upright cowgirl goes deeper than the leaning-forward version, so if depth is a concern, start leaning forward and sit up gradually.
A safety note: in any on-top position, if the penis slips out on the upstroke and the receiver comes down hard, it can bend painfully against the pubic bone. Keep the upstroke short and slow down when things get enthusiastic.
8. Spooning
Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction, the penetrating partner behind. The receiver can lift their top leg slightly or bend it forward to change the angle. Penetration stays shallow, because the buttocks act as a natural buffer, and both partners have a hand free.
That free hand is the whole appeal. The partner behind can reach around to the clitoris, or the receiver can hold a small vibrator in place. Spooning is also one of the best positions for the first time, for pregnancy (check with your doctor first), and for the morning.
9. Face-to-face side-lying
Like spooning, but facing each other, the receiver's top leg draped over the other partner's hip. It is shallow, intimate and slow. It is not good for vigorous movement, and that is fine.
Deeper positions, and how to do them without pain
Some people love deep penetration. Some people find it painful. Many find it great on one day and painful on another, depending on arousal and where they are in their cycle. All three are normal.
Here is the anatomy, plainly. The resting vagina is short: a 2005 study in the medical journal BJOG measured vaginal length in 50 women and found a range of roughly 6.5 to 12.5 cm. During arousal, the upper part of the vagina lengthens and balloons, and the cervix lifts up and out of the way. This is called tenting. It takes time. Which is why deep positions attempted early, before full arousal, are the most common route to that sharp, cramping pain when something hits the cervix.
One correction while we are here: some sites describe the "anterior fornix" or "A-spot" as being at the back of the vagina. Anterior means front. The fornices are recesses around the cervix, and whether the anterior one is a distinct pleasure spot is not settled. Do not chase it.
10. Doggy style
The receiver on hands and knees, the other partner kneeling behind. Deep, and the angle often reaches the front wall of the vagina. The receiver can control depth by pushing back rather than staying still, or by lowering their chest to the bed, which changes the angle again.
4. Legs on shoulders
Missionary, with the receiver's legs resting on their partner's shoulders. This is one of the deepest positions there is. It is also the one most likely to hit the cervix. Start with one leg up, not two, and go slowly.
12. Pillow mountain
The receiver kneels and lies forward over a stack of two or three pillows, so the hips stay raised without effort. The other partner enters from behind. It is doggy for when the receiver's wrists or knees are tired.
13. Edge of the bed
The receiver lies on their back at the edge of the bed, hips right at the edge. The other partner stands (or kneels, depending on bed height). Good for height differences. The receiver can put their feet on their partner's chest to push back and control depth.
If it hurts: stop, do not push through. Switch to a shallow position, slow down, add more lube, or spend longer on foreplay before trying deep again. Pain that keeps coming back across different positions and days is worth a conversation with a gynaecologist. It is common and usually has a clear cause.
Low-effort positions
Real life includes Tuesdays. These are the positions for when you want sex and do not want a workout.
11. Flat doggy
The receiver lies flat on their stomach, maybe with a pillow under their hips. The other partner lies on top or kneels astride their thighs. The receiver does almost nothing, and if they put a pillow or a small vibrator under their pelvis, they get grinding pressure on the clitoris with every movement. Underrated.
16. Scissors
Both partners on their sides, facing each other but with legs interlaced like two pairs of open scissors. It is shallow and slow, and almost nobody gets tired.
1. Missionary
Yes, missionary is on this list. It is popular for good reasons: lots of eye contact, easy kissing, and it works for most bodies. Its weakness is that it usually gives the clitoris very little. Fix that with a pillow (position 2), the coital alignment technique (position 3), or a vibrating ring.
Quiet positions for shared homes
No Western sex positions guide covers this, and it is one of the most common real constraints in India. Joint families, parents in the next room, thin walls, a bed frame that announces everything to the building.
What makes noise is rarely the people. It is the bed. Specifically, it is the rhythmic in-and-out thrusting that rocks the frame against the wall. So the quietest positions are the ones built on grinding and rocking rather than thrusting:
- Spooning and side-lying (8, 9, 16). Bodies stay low and close, and there is very little movement transmitted to the frame.
- The coital alignment technique (3). Rocking, not thrusting. Barely moves the bed.
- Cowgirl leaning forward (6) and seated lap (14). Grinding again. Seated lap on a chair takes the bed out of the equation entirely.
Two practical tricks: pull the bed 5 cm away from the wall, and if it still creaks, a mattress on the floor is completely silent. A ceiling fan on full also covers more sound than people expect. For more on privacy, discreet storage and quiet toys, see our guide for anyone who lives with family.
Positions that are not about penetration
Sex is not only penetration, and treating it as the main event is part of why the orgasm gap exists. A 2018 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, which surveyed 52,588 American adults, found that 95% of heterosexual men usually or always orgasmed during sex, against 65% of heterosexual women. Lesbian women reported 86%. Women who orgasmed more often were more likely to have received oral sex and more manual stimulation. The gap is about what happens in bed, not about anatomy.
17. Scissoring, or tribbing
Two partners with vulvas, legs interlaced so their genitals press together, grinding. In reality, most people find a modified version easier: one partner straddling the other's thigh. Positions in this guide are written for any pairing, and this one is a reminder of that.
18. 69
Mutual oral sex, one partner on top in reverse, or both lying on their sides (much easier on the neck). A lot of people find it hard to concentrate on giving and receiving at the same time. Taking turns is allowed.
19. Face-sitting
The receiving partner kneels over their partner's face, holding the headboard or the wall. Despite how it sounds, this puts the receiver fully in control of pressure, angle and pace, which is why many people like it more than lying back.
20. Side-by-side mutual touch
Lying side by side, each partner using a hand on the other, or each on themselves while watching. Low effort, very high clitoral access, and the best way to learn exactly what your partner likes.
7. Reverse cowgirl and 15. Standing
Two that did not fit elsewhere. Reverse cowgirl gives the receiver control and a free hand for clitoral touch, though the angle can bend the penis uncomfortably if the receiver leans too far forward. Standing sex looks great in films and is hard in real life unless partners are a similar height. A sturdy step or a stair fixes most of that.
Where a toy fits in each position
Pairing, the fourth move from the start of this guide, is much easier with a toy than a hand, because hands get tired and toys do not. Here is what fits where.
| Toy type | Best positions | Who holds it | Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| Vibrating ring (worn at the base of the penis) | Missionary, CAT, cowgirl leaning forward, seated lap | Nobody, it stays in place | Thirdbase O-Ring, Thirdbase Delay Ring |
| Small bullet or palm vibrator | Spooning, doggy, reverse cowgirl, flat doggy (under the pelvis) | Either partner | Noah |
| Contoured external vibrator | Side-lying, 69, mutual touch | Receiver | Eve |
Two rules for any of these. Use a water-based lube, which is safe with silicone toys and with latex condoms. And with a vibrating ring, put the condom on first and the ring over it, then keep wear time to about 20 minutes. Our vibrating ring guide explains sizing and why the order matters, and how to use a vibrator with your partner covers the conversation that comes before any of this. You can browse everything built for two in our sex toys for couples collection.
One honest note on our own products: our rings are single-speed and run on a small LR41 cell, so if you want ten intensity settings in a ring, a rechargeable one from another brand will suit you better. What ours do well is stay light (8.5 g for the O-Ring) and quiet, which, given the section above, matters more than people think.
Common mistakes
- Collecting positions instead of moves. Twenty positions done with fast in-and-out thrusting feel more alike than two positions done with angling, rocking and a free hand.
- Going deep too early. Arousal physically changes the vagina. Deep positions in the first two minutes are the most common source of pain.
- Treating changing position as failure. Switching mid-way because a knee hurts, or because something is not working, is normal. So is laughing.
- Not saying anything. "Slower", "higher", "stay there" are full sentences. Agree on a word or tap that means stop, and honour it immediately, every time. Consent is not a one-time question at the start.
- Believing films. Films choose positions for camera angles. Most of them show nothing of the clitoris and a lot of standing up.
- Ignoring the Kama Sutra's actual point. People in India often joke about the Kama Sutra as a positions manual. Vatsyayana's text, usually dated to around the third century CE, has seven books, and positions sit in just one of them. Most of it is about courtship, attention and pleasure as a skill worth learning. That is a better takeaway than any single position.
And if nerves are getting in the way more than knees are, our guide to sexual performance anxiety is a better next read than another list of positions.
Frequently asked questions
What is the best sex position for women to orgasm?
Positions that give steady clitoral contact work best for most women: cowgirl leaning forward, the coital alignment technique, and spooning with a hand or vibrator on the clitoris. Research suggests only about 18% of women orgasm from penetration alone, so the best position is usually one that leaves room for extra touch.
What is the best sex position for the first time?
Spooning or cowgirl. In spooning, penetration stays shallow and both partners can relax. In cowgirl, the receiving partner controls depth and pace completely. Both make it easy to slow down or stop. Spend plenty of time on foreplay first, use water-based lube, and agree on a word that means stop.
Which sex position is the least painful?
Shallow positions where the receiving partner controls movement: spooning, side-lying, scissors and cowgirl leaning forward. Pain with deep penetration usually comes from contact with the cervix before full arousal. If pain happens across many positions or keeps coming back, it is worth seeing a gynaecologist.
What are the quietest sex positions?
Positions based on grinding rather than thrusting make the least noise, because thrusting is what rocks the bed frame. Spooning, side-lying, the coital alignment technique and seated lap on a chair are the quietest. Moving the bed away from the wall, or using a mattress on the floor, helps more than any position.
What is the coital alignment technique?
It is a variation of missionary where the top partner shifts their body up by a few centimetres so the base of the penis presses on the clitoris. Instead of thrusting, both partners rock slowly against each other. It was described by psychotherapist Edward Eichel in 1988 and is designed to increase clitoral contact during penetration.
Which sex position goes the deepest?
Legs on shoulders, doggy style and edge of the bed allow the deepest penetration. Deep is not automatically better: many people find cervix contact painful, especially before they are fully aroused. Start slowly, let the receiving partner control depth where possible, and switch position if anything hurts.
How many sex positions are there?
There is no fixed number. Most named positions are variations on a handful of basics: one partner on top, one behind, side by side, sitting and standing. Small changes in leg position or hip angle create a new name. Learning a few basics well, with angling and rocking, beats memorising dozens.
Can we use a sex toy during sex positions?
Yes, and many couples find it the easiest way to close the orgasm gap. A vibrating ring works in face-to-face positions without anyone holding it. A small vibrator fits in spooning, doggy and reverse cowgirl. Use water-based lube with silicone toys, and if you use a ring, put the condom on first.
What are good sex positions if there is a big height difference?
Lying-down positions remove height from the equation, so spooning, missionary and cowgirl all work. For standing sex, use a step or stair to level hips. Edge of the bed works well too: adjust with a pillow under the receiver or by having the other partner kneel instead of stand.
Is the Kama Sutra just a book of sex positions?
No. Vatsyayana's Kama Sutra, usually dated to around the third century CE, has seven books, and sexual positions appear in only one of them. Most of the text covers courtship, relationships, attraction and pleasure as an art worth learning. The positions-manual reputation comes mostly from later illustrated editions.
We make sex toys, not diagnoses. If something hurts in a way that does not go away, a gynaecologist or doctor is the right next step.
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